of the crowd will not suffice. We are created for deep and
meaningful connection at every level of our being, and
not just connection at the sexual and marital levels, but
meaningful connection with those with whom we inter-
act. Establishing a sustainable sobriety in the aftermath
of sexual addiction requires that we move into a place of
authentic intimacy with others.
with sexually addictive behavior have
never experienced. As a result they
will be challenged and held account-
able in ways that only those who have
previously struggled and been healed
can offer.
sinned against you. Yes, even my
own family and I have sinned!"
(Nehemiah 1:6b).
community and a growing sense
recovery, there is space for confession.
True confession is penetratingly hon-
est, and recognizes the extent of cala-
maties caused by unhealthy motives.
Nehemiah demonstrated such deep
confession when he learned that the
walls of Jerusalem were in ruins and the people in dis-
grace. And the root of sin implicated not just him individ-
ually but his family and, by association, the community.
"O Lord, God of heaven... who keeps His covenant of unfail-
ing love with those who love Him and obey His com-
mands, listen to my prayer... I confess that we have sinned
against you. Yes, even my own family and I have sinned"
(Nehemiah 1:5-6).
however, reflect Peter's denial in spite of his guilt when
he denied he was a follower of Jesus. After Jesus was ar-
rested and Peter was near where Jesus was being held, "Pe-
ter was standing by the fire warming himself, they asked
him again, `You're not one of His disciples, are you?'
"But one of the household slaves of the high priest...
with Jesus?' Again Peter denied it" (John 18:25-26).
a means of deepening holiness. Like peeling back the lay-
ers of an onion, each cycle of struggling and slipping--
when met with grace for what has happened and
challenge to learn from it, so as to not repeat that mis-
take--is a successive approximation toward healthy
spiritual, emotional and sexual living.
said to David, `You are that man'"
(2 Samuel 12:7a).
empowers space for confession,
specifically, the gentle, reflective
prompting of a greater sense of insight
or self-awareness. When David's best
friend Nathan told him how a rich
man took the only animal a poor man
owned and killed it for food, David
was outraged. Then Nathan said,
"You are that man" (2 Samuel 12:7),
referring to David's relationship
with Bathsheba. "Then David con-
fessed to Nathan, `I have sinned
against the Lord'" (vs. 13).
sight. Rather than screaming at David, it is possible that
Nathan instead used a voice that was more consistent
with the story he used to evoke David's anger. Confronta-
tion, when misused, can drive a wedge of isolation that
sends people back to their problematic behavior. But
when used correctly, it can be the means of grace that
keeps them rooted in the Father's arms.
community, your church and your home? Whatever
small step you can take today, go and do so.
at Indiana Wesleyan University and the director of
the Sexual Addiction Treatment Provider Institute, LLC.